Ever feel like if you listen to the music louder you’ll feel it more? Like if y0u just turn it up loud enough, you’ll feel the feelings you used to feel when you heard the… even if it’s pain you felt.  Have you ever sat and been depressed yet had no desire to not be… perfectly content to be miserable. Hell even longing to cry to just let it out, pray to god you can still feel something real. Hurt so bad you’ve gone numb. Can you force yourself to feel? Can you go from empathetic to sociopathic? I went from feeling others emotions as well as my own, to feeling nothing but hurt over the fact that I don’t feel. Somewhere under the numb, I don’t feel, but I know and felt emotions so strong I stopped feeling them… I still empathize with them… It’s so hard to explain… I haven’t lost all emotion, I still feel guilt, regret, depression, emptiness… so it’s not complete socoiopathology but… In life I fell nothing… sex is unfulfilling , love, motivation, happiness is never for more than a short period of time… it’s an ever encompassing emptiness that I fight. I fight for my daughter and my mother who depend on me… (It never cripples me, I take care of mine regardless of my well being) but never myself, I’m never doing anything for me, and have no desire to really. It’s impossible to explain being empty, because I believe feeling empty is a just a combination of negative emotions, that make you feel that way. It’s almost scientific in that “the feeling of nothing/emptiness = being full of so many emotions your processor breaks down and it’s actually just an overload of emotions to a point they cease to have separate feelings but one conglomerate depression… or emptiness.  As is… I’m broken I think.